I Brute-Forced 2 Million Hashes to Get a Shiny Legendary Cat in My Terminal. It Has Max SNARK and a Propeller Hat.

This is a submission for the DEV April Fools Challenge What I Built A cryptographic brute-force pipeline. For a virtual pet. That lives in a terminal. That has a propeller hat. Let me explain. Claude Code shipped /buddy — a companion creature that sits in your terminal and exists. You get one. It's deterministically seeded from your account identity. No rerolls. No trades. No appeals process. You are stuck with whatever the hash gods assigned you. I got an Epic Cactus. I wanted a cat. Not just any cat. A Shiny Legendary cat. With a propeller hat. And max SNARK. Because if I'm going to mass-compute a virtual pet into existence, I'm going to mass-compute the right virtual pet into existence. So I did what any reasonable person would do: I reverse-engineered the buddy generation algorithm, reimplemented the FNV-1a hash function and Mulberry32 PRNG in Node.js, wrote a brute-force script that grinds through 500,000 candidate identities in under half a second, discovered that my first workin